Several of my right-wing friends on Facebook got some really good news around the time Donald Trump warned Americans that there would be "a lot of death" in the days ahead, just when many of us were about to lose it after weeks of confinement and worrying about our loved ones.
What was this good news? It seems they are finally able to confirm that this whole coronavirus thing really IS a hoax like they said it was all along. Not only is it a hoax, but it's the BEST KIND of hoax. Was anyone worried that Donald Trump was being made to look like an incompetent idiot and causing many thousands of our grandparents to die? Worry no more! You will soon see that it was all a cover for a much more important secret operation, and that right after Easter Donald Trump will be seen all over the world as the savior that they already know him to be.
I'll cut right to the chase: Donald Trump, it seems, is playing along with a secret mission whereby thousands of children who have been living in tunnels under New York and other liberal bastions, being sexually exploited by the likes of Hillary Clinton and George Soros, will be rescued by the U.S. Military in a super-secret operation led by none other than Donald Trump himself.
That's why they have to clear the streets -- to find the tunnels. That's why they have to clear the hospitals -- so that the children being rescued can be treated without giving up any details of this ultra-secret operation that all of your farthest-right friends are talking about on Facebook. It's also why they are making room in prisons by letting non-violent offenders go free -- they need to have room to lock up Hillary Clinton, Barack Hussein Obama, Chelsea Clinton, and their many thousands of accomplices who have spent more than a decade creating this massive network of tunnels below ground to hide all of these children.
You don't believe me? Well maybe you'll believe some of these citizen journalists that are spreading their relief all over the internet. Take this message of hope from QAnon enthusiast Michelle Tittler:
Warning: Extreme graphic language -- but don't miss the bit about Tom Hanks, etc. Amazing how happy she is about this! They'd rather see this going on than to admit that Trump blew his initial response and let it get this catastrophic.
It would be hard to doubt the journalistic credentials of anyone who can dance this well.
And if you don't believe Ms. Tittler perhaps you'll be reassured when you hear the words of investigative journalist (and Michelle Tittler's source) Liz Crokin, who has racked up more than a million views in a five-segment YouTube special report that you may have seen your right-wing friends sharing. Here's the latest:
And even if these woke ladies don't convince you, perhaps you won't be so quick to dismiss the findings of YouTube user "Smoakpipe," who will give it to you "raw, hard, and dirty":
Any of these YouTubers will tell you that yes, there WILL be death like Donald Trump says, but we have to keep in mind that it's worth sacrificing old people, like my dad, if it saves the children. In fact, when I told my father about all of this earlier today he expressed a great deal of relief that his potential demise would not be in vain.
We must all do whatever we can to reassure right wingers that their faith and trust in Donald Trump will not go unjustified. Otherwise millions of families -- along with the global economy -- would have been destroyed for no good reason. What better reason could there be than for the children...